Back in ancient China, the Pekingese was a dog bred to be a companion to the elite, like the pug, and was considered a distinction of high-class. Nowadays, a Pekingese is barely acceptable as a dog, let alone a companion. This short, stubby, awkward, and generally unintelligent breed could be mistaken for a deflated hairy football if it wasn’t for the fact that it sought to move once every five seconds. Pekingese are also notoriously susceptible to being alive, afraid to get near anything that moves at a slightly reasonable speed.

The unsettling result of the popularity of the Pekingese is that Pekingese enthusiasts rarely have one. They settle their home with a small army, which can be seen as a legitimate threat to anything of normal object size. I would suggest we eradicate these small pets before they overpopulate our retirement communities, but I believe that to each their own. But, we should certainly not encourage more breeding, as the Pekingese belongs in the extensive, vast, and demanding woodlands of Western China where they came from.

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